Forgive (again)

I saw the sign again but this time written in chalk on a wall and then later that day in spray paint on a wall.  Is this a message from someone?

It was a strange moment that reminded me of The Matrix.  The chalk message caught me just as I had finished telling a friend about the unsuccessful date.  The spray paint whizzed by as my train headed back to the Loop.  Was the message really there?  Was it meant for me?

I wonder who needs the city to forgive so much?  Do I need more of it in my life?

Forgive

 
Who writes 'forgive' on a sidewalk?

I couldn't help but think of five different scenarios to cause it.  Put the plausible stories aside and think about how many people run across this message.  Walking along, happy, tired, angry, bored, or drunk, and see a directive to let go of grudges and pains inflicted and let go of the pain and resentment.

As children, we are all taught this and as adults, we pass this lesson along to children.  The lesson of letting go enters our lives and leave multiple times before ever truly taking it in and acting on it.  It cannot be done by others nor can it be done for others.  So maybe this word on the sidewalk is to remind us to do it for ourselves.

Now, put away the philosophy.  I came across this statement while on an anger and frustration fueled walk.  It's my method of calming the brain and re-centering my thoughts.  So I was in the middle of the walk when I took the photo.

I had been heading out on a date a few weeks ago.  Not to get into details, on my way to the date I realized that this date was no good.  He was going to drag me down, unhinge my confidence, and take advantage of my character.  Not to say he was a monster of a guy, just one a loser.   He was a guy I wouldn't want any of my friends to date, so why was I heading out to meet him?  I cancelled in as nice of way as possible and taking all of the blame before getting off the phone.

After the photo, one might expect me to forgive the guy who started my walk.   For a moment, I considered it.  Then I rejected it.  While I could forgive the guy, it does not mean returning to the same relationship.  That memory serves as a lesson in life and character.  Some people are not healthy, some people are not good for you, and some people will not be good to you.   And I decided to forgive myself for every letting that kind of person far enough into my life to take up memory space in my phone.

I forgave and then deleted.   

Roller Derby Spectacular

Roller derby action is a girls event.  Great fun to watch, the cheering leaves you horse and the rules engaged.  And lets face it, we would all like to see some violence.

And somewhere deep inside, even the daintiest of girls would like to see women rewarded for physically aggressive acts.  Girls, go to a bout and see the action.  

Beauty in Beaches

As long as beaches are clean, they are gorgeous.  Any beach, any location, and even in any season, just as long as they are all clean.  There is beauty in the sand and ripples of the waves.

In Chicago, there is also fear.  People die in the water every week, and twice a week in the summer. It's a reason to not read the Chicago Tribune, they put every death on the front page of the website.  The water must be respected or else it will kill.

Maybe people should judge it.  Maybe we should let it contribute to campaigns like corporations. Or maybe, just maybe, this beauty that calms the soul should also be respected for the deadly creature it is.

Wine in the Purse

Maybe an evening that starts off with a bottle of wine in a purse on a bus must result in fleeting fun.

 I felt shameful for carrying my alcohol in such a public manner.  It was like a reverse walk of shame, everyone who noticed my purse would know what kind of trouble I was headed for that evening.  They could know and judge as I went off to my fun.

My purse can hold a bottle of wine, but thankfully not two...and yes, it was fleeting fun. 

Riding in the Rain

Adjusting to the weather requires skills I lack.  These skills involve watching the weather forecast, reading the weather, looking at weather maps, and even standing outside to look at the sky.  I have other skills but just not these.

So today, I got caught in the rain on my bike.  It was a lovely ride in the cold downpour.  Maybe I need to take weather classes?

Random Conversations

These types of conversations make me happy.  I classify random conversations when you talk to strangers (as I was taught specifically not to do) about a situation in front of both of you.  Today, I talked with a lost businessman about the wonders of Google map and two people on the train about my bag.

There is something uplifting about knowing that we are all human and can relate of both big and small issues, or even the wonders of Google.

Panhandling on the CTA

This is a rarity for me.  A guy gets on the train and starts to plead is case for needing money.  Dad is  drunk, they got into a fight, he's been living on the Blue line and needs a ticket to Rockford.  The ticket costs $18.  Thank you.

Today was the first day I ever had this happen.  At first, I looks away and thought about putting in my ear buds, but didn't.  Then, I thought about how I was a good person and he could actually be a person in need.  Then, I thought about what organizations can help him.  Then, I thought about how I didn't really want to be a part of his life in any way.  And finally, I decided that the karma good I might get out of a $1 was worth the risk that his story was a lie and a scam.  My dollar went into his hands.

Hours later, I meet a friend at an event.  We are talking about our day and the CTA, which trains are better, frustrations over rush hour, methods of getting a good place, and then the Rockford ticket guy came up.  She met him too.  She didn't give him money.  She felt bad.  She has seen him four times.

Four times?  During the five encounters at our table, he should have had the money to get to Rockford.  We laughed and bonded a little about being part of a scam, she resisting the bait of karma and me not.

Loose Key

I have a loose brackets key. I have to think hard to remember what the name of the key is. Luckily I do not use it much. The key has been loose for over a year - thank you to the cat who loosened it for me. She thought the keyboard made a nice scratching post. Her claws were getting long. Thus, I have a loose brackets key.

Shopping Finds

My shopping therapy does not involve excessive buys, the latest trends nor searches for sales. It involves the search through thrift stores for the golden finds.

At regular stores, it is normal to find your size and the right shade of color, especially in shirts. The stores help shoppers make choices by displaying maniquins or pictures of great clothing combinations and the staff spend their days looking at clothing and are eager to point out good fits. Especially in boutiques, the staff will pick out options and even be honest about what looks good. People who are "experts" in shopping are like runners on treadmills, sure they can go the mileage but they don't compare to a high altitude trail runner.

Thrift stores are the high altitude trail runners without shoes. Maybe, the shopper will be lucky and find the clothing arranged by type, size, and color. Maybe there will be a dressing room. Maybe the dressing room will be more than a booth with a cloth shower curtain that is large enough to set your bag down.

Employees at these stores are utilitarian, put out stock and ring up the cash register. They aren't paid for fashion consciousness, the shopper must bring it. Nothing can be ordered nor does it come in various sizes. Go to a thrift shop for an outfit and be ready to use skills of selection and coordination.

But the prize of a thrift store find can be worth it. A full outfit can be purchased for pennies on the dollar of a retail shop and the style ends up completely personalized. Originality comes at the price of time and effort.

Plus it's more environmental.